Restoring A Body's Beauty
Before my mother died in 2000, a friend told me that when her mother died, the best service and advice from the undertakers was to have the body restored for a viewing. Instead of remembering her mother looking fail and distraught, her last memory of her mother was of her lying looking peaceful.
This involves restoring the colour to the ashen cheeks, plumping up the cheeks with some substance, maybe cotton wool. If you don't have make-up added, the skin on the face and hands may look white with red blotches, as it often does in real life when people in their eighties or nineties have thinning skin.
We were asked whether we wanted the deceased in her own clothes or a shroud. It's worthwhile considering what this means. Does it mean cremating lovely clothes, instead of a plain white sheet? Is the shroud cremated or washed and reused? Does it cost more to dress a person in day clothes, or to pay for a shroud?
We were told that the hospital returns the body as is. Often with the eyes and mouth open. If you opt for simply the eyes and mouth to be shut, not to pay any extra, is there any point seeing the body?
The Right Body
You want to be sure you are getting the right body. (There have been cases in the UK and USA of the wrong body being buried. This can involve you in identifying an even more decomposed body, and repeating the funeral service.)
An Undamaged Body
When I went to see my uncle's body in the hospital morgue, I wanted to know what the hospital had done. They had said he would live a year or two after the operation. He didn't. I wanted to be reassured, or to have photographic evidence if the hospital had had a mishap, or made a deliberate error.
The morgue attendant was very angry when he found out I was taking photos. He said it wasn't allowed. I couldn't photograph my own uncle, when I was next of kin!
Acceptance
It's also a way of hanging on, being there until the last moment, for the benefit of the deceased and yourself. Or, to look at it a different way, you can stop wondering if there has been a mistake and wishful thinking that the person is not really dead. Like throwing clods of earth onto a coffin, with the awful thuds as a reminder, you must accept that it is over, they are dead, time to move on.
You can put aside the fear that the person is still alive, breathing, and being buried or cremated alive. They are lying still. No breathing. No sign of movement. Not tossing and turning. Not gasping nor flinging their arms about. At rest.
My view is that you should spend the extra money and have the body made looking pretty. We took photos. Not a pleasant memory. She had red blood brushing around under her eyes and on the side of the head. Her hands looked blotchy. When I opened my photo files on my computer I kept oping up those pictures. Two days afterwards I decided to 'hide' them. Not delete them. I have just hidden them so that they aren't shown every time I open up or scan through recent photos.
Religious Symbols
My uncle was placed in the coffin with a shroud bearing the wrong religious symbol. Since he was an atheist, I reckoned he probably would not care. Although he was dead, I did not like the idea of him being 'pulled about' to remove the shroud and replace it with another.
In both the hospital morgue and the 'chapel' in the undertakers' shop, candles were lit. In the hospital the candles seemed very spooky. The hospital also had prayerbooks for several religions. The undertakers shop had a more restful atmosphere.
Before my mother died in 2000, a friend told me that when her mother died, the best service and advice from the undertakers was to have the body restored for a viewing. Instead of remembering her mother looking fail and distraught, her last memory of her mother was of her lying looking peaceful.
This involves restoring the colour to the ashen cheeks, plumping up the cheeks with some substance, maybe cotton wool. If you don't have make-up added, the skin on the face and hands may look white with red blotches, as it often does in real life when people in their eighties or nineties have thinning skin.
We were asked whether we wanted the deceased in her own clothes or a shroud. It's worthwhile considering what this means. Does it mean cremating lovely clothes, instead of a plain white sheet? Is the shroud cremated or washed and reused? Does it cost more to dress a person in day clothes, or to pay for a shroud?
We were told that the hospital returns the body as is. Often with the eyes and mouth open. If you opt for simply the eyes and mouth to be shut, not to pay any extra, is there any point seeing the body?
The Right Body
You want to be sure you are getting the right body. (There have been cases in the UK and USA of the wrong body being buried. This can involve you in identifying an even more decomposed body, and repeating the funeral service.)
An Undamaged Body
When I went to see my uncle's body in the hospital morgue, I wanted to know what the hospital had done. They had said he would live a year or two after the operation. He didn't. I wanted to be reassured, or to have photographic evidence if the hospital had had a mishap, or made a deliberate error.
The morgue attendant was very angry when he found out I was taking photos. He said it wasn't allowed. I couldn't photograph my own uncle, when I was next of kin!
Acceptance
It's also a way of hanging on, being there until the last moment, for the benefit of the deceased and yourself. Or, to look at it a different way, you can stop wondering if there has been a mistake and wishful thinking that the person is not really dead. Like throwing clods of earth onto a coffin, with the awful thuds as a reminder, you must accept that it is over, they are dead, time to move on.
You can put aside the fear that the person is still alive, breathing, and being buried or cremated alive. They are lying still. No breathing. No sign of movement. Not tossing and turning. Not gasping nor flinging their arms about. At rest.
My view is that you should spend the extra money and have the body made looking pretty. We took photos. Not a pleasant memory. She had red blood brushing around under her eyes and on the side of the head. Her hands looked blotchy. When I opened my photo files on my computer I kept oping up those pictures. Two days afterwards I decided to 'hide' them. Not delete them. I have just hidden them so that they aren't shown every time I open up or scan through recent photos.
Religious Symbols
My uncle was placed in the coffin with a shroud bearing the wrong religious symbol. Since he was an atheist, I reckoned he probably would not care. Although he was dead, I did not like the idea of him being 'pulled about' to remove the shroud and replace it with another.
In both the hospital morgue and the 'chapel' in the undertakers' shop, candles were lit. In the hospital the candles seemed very spooky. The hospital also had prayerbooks for several religions. The undertakers shop had a more restful atmosphere.
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