Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Flowers at Funerals

What kind of flowers can you place on a coffin or send to a funeral?

I was recently involved in the funeral for my 'aunt' (mother's cousin by marriage but also related to me by marriage). The family delegated to me the flowers for the funeral. The undertakers first suggestion was a wreath.

Wreaths
I don't like wreaths. I find wreaths depressing. After the death of my mother I asked a minister why you cover mirrors, usually with black cloth. I'd thought it was either because you should be thinking of the deceased, not vainly wondering what you looked like, or so you were not more upset and sorry for yourself by seeing your own eyes red from crying. I said to the minister, hopefully, 'Is it to help you feel less unhappy'.

'Oh, no,' he replied blithely, 'It's to make you feel worse!'

I was shocked. I thought the whole purpose of the funeral was to support the grieving next of kin.

I could not see the point of a wreath. It does not make you feel better. It is too large to be kept as a souvenir of the occasion.

I asked, 'Is it possible to have something we can keep as a memento, such as a vase of flowers?'

I was offered an arrangement with a sealed water container like a tear-drop shape , with a ribbon around the waist, which keeps the flowers fresh. We considered a photo of the deceased in the middle of the coffin, with the containers either side. These containers cost £45.


My next thought was a narrow-based vase, so we could transfer the flowers from the late morning funeral to the reception lunch afterwards.

I took the flower brochure in my hand, wanting to have a think. (I'm the Myers Briggs ENFP type who don't make quick decisions.) Then I saw just what I wanted in the entrance hall of the funeral directors' shop.

Elegant, different, curvy, and lasting. About £80.


It was supplied by our funeral directors, Hearden and Daughters. Our only kerfuffle was when we (the mourners) stood at the door beside the coffin, assuming that we would exit by that door, to allow the next funeral members to enter by the door used for out entry. No - we were directed to the other end. As we stood in the corridor outside, shaking hands, accepting condolences and hugs, and saying Thank you for coming, the funeral directors had magically moved the flowers out, from behind the curtain, perhaps from the door nearest the coffin and when we got out to the waiting area by the car park our flowers were already on display.

It looked lovely at the funeral and was transferred outside afterwards when we gathered to says goodbyes to those who had to return to work and to arrange lifts and directions for those coming to lunch.

Afterwards, looking at it, I see that it's a black vase with white artificial flowers, and green 'grass', with turquoise blue circles. It blends in with a black and white minimalist decor but also has a touch of colour to complement colourful surroundings. Just right.


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