My friend T wrote to me after I sent him the advice below, so I thought it might be useful to you.
Thanks a million. This is incredibly useful information ( and I don't think I am using the superlative in vain)/ Topic for another book perhaps. My dad will be very grateful to you for this. Really appreciate it and especially like the point about removing a solicitor from the will - Yes we already thought of that one and have done it. God bless you for this 'B'
From: angelalansbury@hotmail.com
To: A friend whose father is ill
Subject: Everything You Need
Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:35:
Dear Friend
If you left your father's bedside to go back to work, social services would have to do something. But if you are able to take time off work, I am sure you will always be glad you were there.
A hospice is probably better than a hospital where nobody has time for you and you are left in a side ward staring at bare walls. You also risk getting MRSA and clostridium difficile.
All sorts of people can provide commodes and bath aids and devices for lifting you upright in bed at home and so on:
a) Social services in your area. And the rival next county will happily tell you why your area is not doing what it should!
b) Help the Aged.
c) Age Concern.
Carers' Association offers respite. Local Carers' Association has information.
You should be claiming a carers' allowance for your father or for yourself.
RNIB. Blind.
RNID. Deaf. They have magazines, websites and advice lines.
They can lend things to you, or sell at a discount.
WWII veterans can claim allowances.
Local church of which you are a member can send visitors. Christmas or holiday gifts of food for the sick, and a card, and a visitor.
GP. Might have leaflets.
Meals on wheels deliver food. So do supermarkets. Some milkmen. Other services online will deliver fruit and vegetables. Or complete tray meals. To name just one: Wiltshire Farm Foods.
Send one line letter to local newspaper asking for advice.
If going into hospital, check whether they have DNR (do not resuscitate) on the patient's notes.
Keep the phone numbers of the consultant and your GP with you. The hospital's staff might decline to phone them. But you can. Your GP probably won't know the patient has gone into hospital.
Get all bank accounts in joint names so funds aren't frozen.
Get father to help you list all debits and credits. Have all share certificates to hand ready to deal with probate or get names changed.
Take out ISAs or Tessas (tax free allowance bonds). Pass on the amount you are allowed to pass on.
Get the Power of Attorney forms signed.
Wills - will forms are available to be bought on line. Or copy the wording of your old will and add any extra points. You need two witnesses who are younger than he person making the will. Witness should not be a beneficiary. Organizations such as Help The Aged usually have sample wills and advice leaflets.
Find out where to turn off water and electricity. How to open windows.
Identify all doorkeys. Back door. Shed. What's in the shed - anything important? Where are instruction books for the lawn mower?
How much do you pay the cleaner and gardener? What do you give them for Christmas?
Do you wish to be buried or cremated? Put this in writing.
If two wives - do you want to be buried beside first wife, in previously preserved plot, which your children will want, or to be cremated, which second wife might prefer?
Identify everybody in address book as friend or business associate.
Choose music or reading for funeral.
Where are the gravestones of spouses and parents? To get somebody buried in the grave of deceased spouse you will need the cemetery name, location, phone number, name of previously deceased spouse, gravestone number.
Strike solicitor out of will. They can hold up proceedings, charge by the hour, keep your documents, and charge admin fee percentage.
Funeral expenses - keep copy of cost because you claim them off inheritance tax.
If he's up to talking, ask father where he and his wife met. Why he chose your name. Why family surname? Why his name? What year did he marry and where? Anything you want to know which you will never be able to find out once he's dead? Ask him about his parents and grandparents. Did he lose touch with any siblings?
Get out photos and label them and date them. Which ancestors are on old wedding photos?
Is anything in house borrowed?
Promised to a relative?
You'd be amazed how many people say I loaned him that or he promised me that.
Offer goods to family before selling them of giving them to strangers. Better to offer souvenirs to other members of the family who don't like to ask than to give everything to charity shop and find irate relatives wanted items.
If you go into hospital in my area they can't release you until they have care arrangements in place.
Don't rely on others to call social services. My local social services called late on the day my father died, after he'd been ill a month, and said nobody had told him the case was urgent.
If you need any help and want to talk it through just give me a call. Sometimes as you explain a problem, and what you have tried so far, and what is not provided, the answer of what you need, where to get it, what to do, just pops up.
Your library will have books on funerals and probate.
Hope this helps.
***
Reading this again, much later I would like to add some new precautions.
PS Who sends you Xmas cards? Anybody overseas? I spent weeks trying to track down a lady, first name only, from the USA - eventually found her name in an address book.
Go through address book. Ask your hospital patient to explain, all those people called John, or Al? Are they plumbers or old friends, or old friends who happen to be plumbers?
After my uncle died, I felt obliged to ring everybody and tell them he had died, giving his formal name in an unemotional voice. If they replied, 'Oh no! We had lunch last month? Who are you?' the conversation was different from the plumbers. They would answer, "We are plumbers, Why are you telling us this?' I replied, 'In case he's on your mailing list, you might wish to save yourself the cost of brochures and postage.' To which they usually replied, 'Oh, yes. I only started today, good idea, I'll take him off the mailing list. Good idea.'
While you're at it, ask for the passwords for all the book clubs which have subscriptions. That will enable you to cancel the unread, unwanted books which keep piling up on a sale or return basis, when you cannot return because the answering machine demands the password.
Thanks a million. This is incredibly useful information ( and I don't think I am using the superlative in vain)/ Topic for another book perhaps. My dad will be very grateful to you for this. Really appreciate it and especially like the point about removing a solicitor from the will - Yes we already thought of that one and have done it. God bless you for this 'B'
From: angelalansbury@hotmail.com
To: A friend whose father is ill
Subject: Everything You Need
Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:35:
Dear Friend
If you left your father's bedside to go back to work, social services would have to do something. But if you are able to take time off work, I am sure you will always be glad you were there.
A hospice is probably better than a hospital where nobody has time for you and you are left in a side ward staring at bare walls. You also risk getting MRSA and clostridium difficile.
All sorts of people can provide commodes and bath aids and devices for lifting you upright in bed at home and so on:
a) Social services in your area. And the rival next county will happily tell you why your area is not doing what it should!
b) Help the Aged.
c) Age Concern.
Carers' Association offers respite. Local Carers' Association has information.
You should be claiming a carers' allowance for your father or for yourself.
RNIB. Blind.
RNID. Deaf. They have magazines, websites and advice lines.
They can lend things to you, or sell at a discount.
WWII veterans can claim allowances.
Local church of which you are a member can send visitors. Christmas or holiday gifts of food for the sick, and a card, and a visitor.
GP. Might have leaflets.
Meals on wheels deliver food. So do supermarkets. Some milkmen. Other services online will deliver fruit and vegetables. Or complete tray meals. To name just one: Wiltshire Farm Foods.
Send one line letter to local newspaper asking for advice.
If going into hospital, check whether they have DNR (do not resuscitate) on the patient's notes.
Keep the phone numbers of the consultant and your GP with you. The hospital's staff might decline to phone them. But you can. Your GP probably won't know the patient has gone into hospital.
Get all bank accounts in joint names so funds aren't frozen.
Get father to help you list all debits and credits. Have all share certificates to hand ready to deal with probate or get names changed.
Take out ISAs or Tessas (tax free allowance bonds). Pass on the amount you are allowed to pass on.
Get the Power of Attorney forms signed.
Wills - will forms are available to be bought on line. Or copy the wording of your old will and add any extra points. You need two witnesses who are younger than he person making the will. Witness should not be a beneficiary. Organizations such as Help The Aged usually have sample wills and advice leaflets.
Find out where to turn off water and electricity. How to open windows.
Identify all doorkeys. Back door. Shed. What's in the shed - anything important? Where are instruction books for the lawn mower?
How much do you pay the cleaner and gardener? What do you give them for Christmas?
Do you wish to be buried or cremated? Put this in writing.
If two wives - do you want to be buried beside first wife, in previously preserved plot, which your children will want, or to be cremated, which second wife might prefer?
Identify everybody in address book as friend or business associate.
Choose music or reading for funeral.
Where are the gravestones of spouses and parents? To get somebody buried in the grave of deceased spouse you will need the cemetery name, location, phone number, name of previously deceased spouse, gravestone number.
Strike solicitor out of will. They can hold up proceedings, charge by the hour, keep your documents, and charge admin fee percentage.
Funeral expenses - keep copy of cost because you claim them off inheritance tax.
If he's up to talking, ask father where he and his wife met. Why he chose your name. Why family surname? Why his name? What year did he marry and where? Anything you want to know which you will never be able to find out once he's dead? Ask him about his parents and grandparents. Did he lose touch with any siblings?
Get out photos and label them and date them. Which ancestors are on old wedding photos?
Is anything in house borrowed?
Promised to a relative?
You'd be amazed how many people say I loaned him that or he promised me that.
Offer goods to family before selling them of giving them to strangers. Better to offer souvenirs to other members of the family who don't like to ask than to give everything to charity shop and find irate relatives wanted items.
If you go into hospital in my area they can't release you until they have care arrangements in place.
Don't rely on others to call social services. My local social services called late on the day my father died, after he'd been ill a month, and said nobody had told him the case was urgent.
If you need any help and want to talk it through just give me a call. Sometimes as you explain a problem, and what you have tried so far, and what is not provided, the answer of what you need, where to get it, what to do, just pops up.
Your library will have books on funerals and probate.
Hope this helps.
***
Reading this again, much later I would like to add some new precautions.
PS Who sends you Xmas cards? Anybody overseas? I spent weeks trying to track down a lady, first name only, from the USA - eventually found her name in an address book.
Go through address book. Ask your hospital patient to explain, all those people called John, or Al? Are they plumbers or old friends, or old friends who happen to be plumbers?
After my uncle died, I felt obliged to ring everybody and tell them he had died, giving his formal name in an unemotional voice. If they replied, 'Oh no! We had lunch last month? Who are you?' the conversation was different from the plumbers. They would answer, "We are plumbers, Why are you telling us this?' I replied, 'In case he's on your mailing list, you might wish to save yourself the cost of brochures and postage.' To which they usually replied, 'Oh, yes. I only started today, good idea, I'll take him off the mailing list. Good idea.'
While you're at it, ask for the passwords for all the book clubs which have subscriptions. That will enable you to cancel the unread, unwanted books which keep piling up on a sale or return basis, when you cannot return because the answering machine demands the password.
